LOST and FOUND (Soul 2 Soul) © 2010

My SOUL is lost today
Unlike the days before
My energy drained
My mind weak and disarrayed
I call to you for assurance
But you do not hear
I press on through the confusion and disillusion
For a pinch, a grain
Maybe even a handful of HOPE
I see you as you stand there taunting me
Trying to get into my psyche
My inner thoughts feel safe no more
You curse me and I you
My heart is heavy with burden
For you know me
All of me is within your reach
Just for a moment in time
Clarity is here
A reflection of what appears to be
None other than myself
In a mirror
Glaring back at me
So far gone is my reality
A barrage of insanely thoughts become one with me
Lost within my sorrows
I pray for the day when
The rays from the sun giveth warmth to my SOUL
And the feeling of JOY overcomes me
Haven't I had enough pain for a million lifetimes
Over and Over
Beginning to never-ending
If only I could
Stop time and exist only in the happiest of moments
Even for me my happiest moments could very well be my worst
STOP !! Get it together
I said to myself
Weeping may endure for a night
But Joy cometh in the morning
A feeling of calmness
A feeling of Peace
The brightest of light bursts from within through the darkness of my SOUL
Help is on the way
My cry has been heard
For on this day among others
My SOUL was surely lost
I'm forever grateful that is has been FOUND.

A Bennie So-Smoove, Original Poem © 6/27/2010

WHY BOTHER ? © 2010

If you feel the need to lie, Why waste my time
Why bother ?
You're on my mind, From Dusk till Dawn
Should I even care
Most times I do, At times I don't
If you didn't give a fuck about my feelings, Should I about yours ?
Mixed emotions...
Full of Joy one minute, Tears of Sorrow the next
You will always have a piece of my heart, I wish I could take it back
But why bother ?
So many memories, In such a short amount of time.
You're killing my soul, Torturing my mind
Release me please, I beg of you, set me free
Like a rainbow, You've shown your true colors
Yeah the head was good, Your companionship was great
But Is that enough to make me wanna stay
Why bother ?
At one point, My connection to you was burning so strong,
Now it's like the waves of an ocean have come and doused our flames
My candle no longer burns for you, The way it once did
You can't be my lover, my homie, You could possibly be my friend
But why even bother ?
I kept it real from day one, Did You ?
If I'd known then, My heart wouldn't have went through
All the pain, At this present moment I feel
But you knew the deal
I should have listened to that voice, Before I made the choices I made
If I could rewind time, I most definitely would...
Why Bother ?
Maybe I was a fool to endure you for so long
You've got all the time in the world
To think about how you fucked things up
They say people deserve second chances
Do I think so ?...I sincerely do
But, This time, For you
Please give me one reason
Why should I even Bother ?

(Dedicated to You...You know who you are !! )

A Bennie So-Smoove, Original Poem © 7/16/2010

LIFE BY WAY OF MUSIC © 2011 © 2014

In many ways LIFE reminds me of Music. Some days are easy going and lovely to the ear like the sound of beautiful music being played of melodies unknown. Other days are difficult and coarse. It only takes one mistake - A slip of the the finger - A pressing of the wrong key, to hear a sound so unforgiving. An emotional overload of thoughts dancing around like black notes on white sheet music. I'm saying No to the confusion. But I'm falling deeper into the broken seams of life. Maybe a touch of music can bring it all together. Somehow it always does. Someone - Anyone - Play me a note of PROSPERITY. Sing me a song of FREEDOM. Hum me a song of HOPE. Write me some lyrics of MEANING. Everyday I strive to be the best I can be. I'm playing on the KEYS of my future. My fingers dancing on and off the black and white ones. Every note I play may not be perfect for YOU, but It's a perfect fit for ME, mistakes and all. Each note I play sounds sweeter and sweeter !! My life by way of music is filled with Ups and Downs. It's a rollercoaster ride of twists and turns. A learning experience. As a wise woman once said "We can't plan life. All we can do is be available for it." And available for it I shall be. One Key. One step. One day at a time.
 
A Bennie So-Smoove Original Poem © 6/5/2011 -  © 10/23/14

HEAVENS' R.A.I.N. (My River) © 2011

Rain from Heaven
Cleanse Me
Wash away all impurities
On this cloudy day
Make me a river which flows
From my lonely heart to yours
Fill me with the water of life
So that I may thirst no more
Sometimes I find myself
Drowning in the rain of my own tears
Hiding what I feel, Not keeping it real
But you know my heart
Every thought that runneth through my mind
The beat of my heart in and out of time
My soul at times is drenched from unclean waters
Worry - Fear - Heartbreak and Self Hate
I know my fellow man and woman can relate
It's so easy to conform to the pressures of the world
This day and so forth, I choose not to
I choose to start anew
Rain from the Heavens, Water of life
Make me a river that flows light
With strength and integrity as it's guide
And beams of hope that shine through my eyes
Pure is the river that now runneth through my Soul
Keeping me strong and ever nearer to my goal
I'll sing a new song until that feeling comes again
But this time, I'll be ready
To tackle all obstacles that stand before me
And surely I'll win
Because not all rain is bad and unclean
Your river simply teaches you what it means
To go through a test - a trial or two
Heavens' rain and my river makes it possible
for me to go through and naturally do what I do
I await your showers in the form of whatever it may be
Joy - Hurt - Pain or even Misery
I'll be forever ready...So Rain on...Go ahead rain on me
 
A Bennie So-Smoove Original Poem © 1/26/2011